"Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies" sounds good right about now.

Almost 35,000 words into my first draft and I'm realizing MAJOR problems. *sigh* I wish I were one of those amazing people who can plot in their heads, write a first draft, and have everything come out crystal clear at the end.

Clearly, however, I am not.

I've been working with Randy Ingermanson's Snowflake Method of plotting, and it's been hugely helpful — in getting me to see the enormous, gaping holes in my plot. I'm not talking about logistical fallacies and events that don't make sense. I'm talking about literal holes in the plot — as in, there isn't one.

The other thing I'm noticing is that my main character isn't doing a whole lot. I mean, she is, she's running around like a crazy person, but she's having things done to her and then reacting to them. Nothing that's taken place so far has been her decision. Which is a problem.

I'm also realizing that I've got a shit-ton of sub plots going on. Maybe more than the book can handle. Maybe more than I can handle! I've got to get a handle on them.

And turn my reactive MC into an action hero.

Still not going to rewrite, though it is practically KILLING me not to. I'm just going to make whatever changes I need to starting on page 137 and move forward. We'll fix it in post, as we used to say in film school.

Revelations

I had a weird revelation tonight as I was reading Chapter After Chapter in the bath. (I love baths. I do a lot of my best thinking in the bath.) I've been avoiding the idea of taking a break and not writing my book — even though currently, I'm not really writing my book.

Chapter After Chapter talks about getting ready to write your book. The author suggests reading 100 books like the one you want to write, and to read them all before you start to write. I can get behind this. You learn a lot by reading, and I myself have learned a great deal from emulating the authors I admire.

I had been working on a plan to read those 100 books while I was writing, but last night, I read a new chapter in which she instructs that you should do all your reading before, and then pick only six books to be your guides during your writing process; three should be books on style, and three should be books just like the one you want to write. The point of limiting yourself to six is that by reading more, you are tempting yourself to change, to stray from your original idea, to chase the sexy new book ideas that will inevitably crop up. (I have DEFINITELY been guilty of this.)

At the same time, however, she says quite clearly that you should jump right in, that the only way to learn to write the book is to write the book. I've heard this many times. If you're not writing, you're not writing. It seems like a simple enough concept to grasp, but I myself have found myself falling into that trap many many times.

So what's a struggling writer to do?

I think there is a difference between writing and writing The Book. I decided last night that I'm feeling rusty all over. I feel like my writing muscles have atrophied. I feel like I need to take the time to train for the marathon before running it. (This is another thing I struggle with; I get frustrated when I realize that I've been working on this book on and off for two years with nothing to show for it. But who cares? Who's setting this imaginary timetable I'm so worried about conforming to?)

I need to remember what it feels like to write every day. I used to do it automatically, no thought, no effort. I wrote every day because I wanted to, because I had to. I've forgotten that. I need to concentrate on the rhythm, the pulse, the feel of the words at the front of my brain and on the tip of my tongue. I need to just write, and not worry about The Book for a while. And if I get an idea, or I want to write a scene, I certainly won't stop myself, but I won't be actively writing the novel every time I sit down to write. At least, not yet.

Train the muscles first. It's all a matter of habit, a matter of making the time. It's something I definitely enjoy, but it takes more energy than watching TV. It requires intent. I'm going to keep reading, too, for now. I'm going to go back to the classics I loved so dearly as a kid. I'm going to find my three books exactly like the one I want to write.

And then, I'm going to write. And I will be unstoppable.